It has been a long time since I have been on. I have been going through some ups and downs. I worked my magic and I got the job. But with all good things come the bad. I have a lot of work ahead of me. The job is not something I can't handle it is just juggling all the other jobs I do along with that one. I am now considered a Master Scheduler. I can pretty much make or break the company there is a lot riding on my shoulders. So far I think I have been doing pretty good.

Today I felt happy to be at work. Since I am off next week for the Holiday's I brought in my gifts in for the office. It makes me feel good when people appreciate the gifts they get. This years I think I did a great job at getting things that they can use. I get some much more out of life when I give to others than receiving. I like knowing I put a smile on someones face it makes me feel like my life is not a waste.

I have been thinking about my future and how much time I have wasted on getting it more prepared. I have been so lost in my mind at what i want. Things have been clearer and clearer everyday that goes by. I miss having that special someone with me. I go to bed alone and think that things don't have to be like this. I have to make things right and I will. It will take time but I don't have any doubts that it will work out for the best.

I have had some fun times. We (Maria, Me and the kids) put the tree up. It is tradition to put the tree up on or around my moms birthday. 12/12. My brothers birthday is 12/13 which landed on a Sunday this year. So on Saturday we took him out for his 21st birthday. First to dinner at Jo To's which the food is so good. Than we took him out drinking to Channel side. He got so wasted and even ended up vomiting at the club. I will have so many memories of that night. I had so much fun. Than on Sunday we went to a baby shower than a concert. I didn't really care for most of the people at performing at the concert but I really did enjoy the last three artist. Pitbull, Jordan Sparks, and that the Fray. I even cried watching the Fray perform. They did an awesome show and their songs touch me. I felt like the biggest baby but man it was a good show. Than it has been back to work.

Kylee has also learned that she is "2 years old" what a big girl. Not to forget Joey turned 10 12/15 (he is in the double digits)my big mans for ever.

I am watching a movie that I love Shawshank Redemption. I bought it online from Walmart and it was dirt cheap but it is still a good movie.

I'm stressing out on getting homework done and I can't focus because my daughter is crazy. Within the past 15 minutes she has changed 3 different times. First she wanted to wear her Tinker Bell pajamas, she was wearing a bathing suite, and now she is wearing my work sneakers and nothing else but a pair of underwear's. She just knows how to make me laugh. By the way an update she is doing so much better with going into the bathroom by herself.I guess the monsters are going away. She is now bothering the boys (Nick and lil Joey) they are trying to play video games and she keeps gong the room and asking for kisses and asking them over and over "what are you doing" about 2 inches away from their face. It is funny to me but they are getting to frustrated.

P.S. Congrats Freddie on the baby Brecken can't wait to see the family.

Waiting for my crazy daughter to go to sleep. She is such a night owl. But very good news since Sunday going to the "scary" bathroom all by herself. This is awesome for me less times I have to keep going to the bathroom with her. She is getting so big so fast. The girl is in love with a show called Yo Gabba Gabba and today she watched a new episode "Dance" and she was so cute trying to do all the dances on there she had me laughing. Those big beautiful eyes makes me into such a softy.

When ever daddy is not around she has to tell everyone that "Daddy is working" it is the cutest thing. I have no idea why she thinks that daddy would be working at all these crazy hours but I can't tell her otherwise. She had a few hours on Saturday to spend with her aunt and she drove her crazy. Only after 4-1/2 hrs she wanted me to take her home. Just that morning she bought a change purse purse with Tinker Bell on it and she had to have money in it. The problem with that is she likes to shake it and on the sides the pennies had space to fall out. So every couple of minutes Maria had to wait for my slow poke to pick the pennies up. By the end of the day she had quarters in the change purse.

My big man went camping the day after Thanksgiving (with a few family members) which left all alone. I know that I had my little girl but i really missed my big man. I would text him through out the weekend but all he would give me was one word texts. I wanted to strangle him because I missed him. Well when I did finally get to see him he was so grumpy and tired. The next day he was better than I was able to talk to him. Well that is when I noticed all these bruises on his body. He said that while they where camping that he was able to do what ever he wanted. (So lucky I was not there) Well he was riding a bike into the woods in the dark and flew off his knee black and blued he has a gash on his hand and he has a cut on his face. I would of freaked out if I was there thinking he broke something but he said that he had so much fun. He told me it was like he was flying because he flew so far in the air. I have to rethink in the future if I will be letting him go camping without me again.

As for me I am so tired of not knowing what is going on in my life. I know the day by day things but where is my life leading. I don't want to end up alone. Can a person love someone fully after being hurt for so long? I have to come up with that answer soon I can't keep leaving someone in the clouds because I am uncertain. I don't want to feel rushed because I don't want to make the wrong choices. Well that will be something that I get back to in a later time also.

I am now sitting at the hair salon waiting to get my hair trimmed. It is well over do. I have not posted in awhile. As for thanksgiving day it went so good. I completed all the cooking I wanted to do but I completely forgot to cook the corn. I have so much corn that has to be eaten it is actually pretty funny that I forgot it. Just finished my cut so happy on Tues it is only 12 dollars for a wash n cut. They do a good job to. Heading home to cook grilled cheese sandwiches because I forgot to take meat out. I'm happy the kids like them anyway. When I have a chance to write at home I will I am doing this from the phone now.

P.S. Freddie just thinking about u n the baby hope everything goes good tomorrow.

I am so retarded because all week I have asked for more sleep. I am excited about the 4 day weekend because I can sleep in. But today I don't have to be in until 10:06 am "I know stupid but my job is very strict about time" and I have been up since 6:20am, I don't even have to take Joey to school I am just up because of my darn internal clock. I am thinking about doing my last minute Thanksgiving dinner shopping instead of doing it later. I really do hope everyone have a happy holiday.

I have been struggling with the matters of the heart. Why does "love" or what ever people call it have to be so freak en complicated. I have someone who wants to give me the world and I have jumped on the opportunity. I am going to wait until it is gone to than say I am ready. I tell myself that I am going to be okay but really I don't know. Over all life is okay but in the partner area I don't know how to truly let someone love me. I know how to give my all to my kids, family and even to my true friends. As for another man I am so scared. I don't know if I am not capable of doing it or if I am just to chicken to hurt. Ever since I was a kid I saw marriage as a joke. I never had a image of the white picket fence husband and kids.

What I did see was for myself was good paying job kids and my sister and brother always being around. My parents will never understand how much they effected our lives. As a parent you have dreams for your kids to be healthy, happy, and to never go without. Well that is what I want for my family it is sad that I never got that. I have parents that are living I don't even know if they are healthy, happy or even some what maintaining. They have always done for themselves. I am over needing parents it just sucks that I was never able to have a childhood because mine where selfish. I have been a mother to my siblings since I was 8 yrs old. I would not change it for anything. I am happy with the way they have turned out.

The last time I have heard from my mom is on my birthday. The phone call was not even for me. This is how the talk went "setting it was in Naples, Fl at a condo over seeing the beach" Maria, the kids and I where playing rummy "ironically that is my moms favorite game" and my Maria cell goes off. She hands me the phone it is my mom she tells me Happy birthday "Saunza" asked me how old I was "29" she couldn't believe I was that she thought I was older than less than 2 minutes later asked to talk to Tasia. Happy freak en birthday to me. I had a great trip with my sister the weather was perfect the condo was so nice I wouldn't change that for a thing.

As for Ed "my father" The last time I even heard his voice was over 3 yrs ago 2 weeks before I was about to have my brain surgery. He had said that he was going to come down to Florida and see me the day before my surgery. Never happened he did what his wife wanted who I have never meet. Now he is remarried I will speak on that at a later time. Well he stayed in Orlando instead and never came to see me. I didn't know if I was going to survive or not but he just didn't care obviously. Neither one of parents have meet my daughter :(. My mother has seen my son maybe all together about 3 months out of his life my father saw my son once.

Well I have to jump in the shower heading to the store.....Yeah turkey dinner tomorrow can't wait.

It's a Monday night and I am waiting for my loving daughter to go to sleep. She is such a night owl. Yesterday on the other hand she decided to go to sleep at 8:00pm and today I see no end in sight.....I know I am exaggerating but she is pretending to feed me all kinds of invisible food. She is so silly. Time goes by way to fast. I am trying to enjoy every moment I get to spend with my little ones. My son who thinks he is 18 is off of school this whole week and is sleeping over his uncles house.

He did the cutest thing yesterday. We were watching 60 minutes waiting for the Amazing Race to start and I passed out. About 40 minutes later I wake to see my son sitting at the end of the sofa with a bucket in his lap of raw chocolate cookie dough in his lap; eating it with a fork. All he said to me was "Amazing Race started dd you want me to rewind it?". I laughed and told him no thank you. Got up and kissed him and told him I love him but not to eat to much because it will give him a stomach ache. With a full mouth of cookie dough he says I'm done anyway. Than I went straight to bed. These are moments I will never forget.

I am going to try my best at posting something weekly if I can. If something exciting is going on believe me I will let you all know. The week at work was really good one of my major pressures was not there. If you don't understand it is OK. I am starting to get a really bad headache and it sucks because have a fun night ahead of me. We are all going back to Carolyn's house for a night of games. I like acting like a kid every once in a while. We will be playing Rock Band again and a Quiz Buzz show game Trivia is so much fun.

We had our sons conference last and it went pretty good. He is a Star in Math and he gets that from me. He is a class clown also and very popular he gets that from the both of his parents. The only thing is he does the bare minimum in writing. He does not like to write. He rushes through everything just to get it over with. So Daddy is going to try to work on that with him that is his strong point. All I can do is wish the both of them good luck with that. They are both a bit stubborn. He also lost his book bag and has no idea where it is. The bad thing about it is he had a science project in it that he needed to do and it is now gone. SO he is going to get a bad grade on it because he can no longer do it. I am upset about it because was to watch a seed grow how hard really would that of been.

As for Kylee she is going to be the death of me. She is actually right now beating her brother up. She is so cute but tries to test us as much as she can. She has this major fear going on and it is weird to me because she is so young. She is so afraid of the dark. If she could get what she wanted she would have every light in the house on. Last night she was so afraid to go into the bathroom unless I was in there with her. She is potty trained and at the same time to short to reach the light. So I have a night light in there but that is not bright enough for her. So every time she had to pee I had to get up and take her because she swore there was something in there. I have never showed her any scary movies or talk to her about ghost or even scare her. She must see something but I have no idea. I can only hope and pray it gets better.

The Holiday's are coming so fast. "side note the older you get the faster life seems to go". Well I'm excited I get to cook a huge Thanksgiving dinner. I love to cook for my family it just brings a smile to my face. This year my niece has asked me if she can cook with me. That is a first and I just hope that it goes good. She wants to be a cook so this should go good, well I hope :). I have never done "Black Friday" I am really contemplating about doing it this year. I know that people go crazy so I really have to think about it.

Well I have to get ready for my night TTYL.....

It is Friday YIPEEE.... I am so happy that it is here. I picked up one of my favorite girls Natasia. I love that girl so much; she is growing so fast. I can't believe that she is 12 already. I am scared in less than 3 years she can drive that freaks me out. I don't think I can get in a car with her. I hope that when she is really going through her teen years that she knows that she can tell me and come to me for anything. I will never judge I will listen with all my heart.

My daughter is at her fun stages she is only 2 and is in love with music. She is playing with a Sponge Bob toy and is singing a (Black Eye Pea song) Boom Boom Pow (she says Boom Boom Kick) and it is the cutest thing. I wish I had here free spirit she is not afraid to be herself. She is getting into dressing up lately she has been wearing her bathing suits around the house. Knowing it is cold outside and she is not getting in a pool she still just wants to wear it. Now she has me playing Halo by Beyonce and she is dancing around so freaken cute.

As for my son he is a typical boy life is a breeze. No worries he knows that mommy will take care of everything. I am do good to these kids but they are my world. That is one thing people get sick of my saying and doing is talking about my kids all the time. I love being a mother it is a rewarding job I know that I still have the teen years to go through but I am ready. Not to forget I will have Big Joey to fall back on. He is an amazing father I could not ask for a better father for my children.

Just starting this blog first because my cousin (Freddie) said it would be easy to do. So I am trying it out to see if what he said is true.

I am a mother of two amazing children. I have curently enrolled back into school to finish out my BA in Accounting, hoping to later get my teaching degree. I am working for a company that I hope to stay with but who knows where that is heading "the economy has a major factor".

I have a few minor goals:
- I need to make more money at my current job or where ever my career takes me
- I need to get my roof fixed in my house "got a stupid leak that drives me crazy"
- I really hope to go to Vegas for my 30th Birthday

Family goals:
- Figure out away for my son to stop talking in class "if you know me you know where he gets it from"
- To keep in touch with immediate family and now my extended family
- To take a family trip with my sister and the kids

My vision for the blog is to keep myself in check/on the right path. When I start to stray I will read back to my original goals and get myself back on track. Hope that you enjoy the journey with me...