This is an old post that saved in my draft but I am still sharing

It is Friday YIPEEEE....I have picked up my niece today who I love dearly. I get to have her all weekend next week. Natasia is growing so fast. I can't believe sometimes that she is already 12 I am not ready to get in a car with her. She can drive in 2-1/2 yrs and I am scared.

Me talking to myself "I have issues" lol

No point to state the obvious..... Since I have been on last not much has changed. I have had lots of ups and downs. This year I will be turning 32 and I feel like I I have not accomplished much....I need a hobby/I want a hobby..hmmmm....what am I good at lets see - Im pretty damn good at my job but I cant turn that into a hobby - I know I am an awesome mother but kids are getting older and they no longer need mommy so no hobby there unless I start to smother them they would hate me - I think I am pretty good at watching TV and sleeping...Nope still no hobby - I like to bake but that can get expensive but that can still be an option (Yeah I might be getting somewhere) - I like to dance maybe I can look up a dance class (wait I have they are expensive) but that can still be an option keep looking until you you find one in your means - stillllll......thinking.....that is all I can muster up....I have to know more things Well that is my first problem I have a mental block but why....I need some friends but sometimes friends can cause problems...Why are you so neg? I know I stop myself all the time from being happy Why? I know only I can answer that but i just wish someone else could do that for me.....I'm so tired mentally I need to come out of this rut. I have been there before and it is an ugly road but the difference is this time I know I am having a problem.....Think of good things ok here we go - over all I am in good health - I have 2 amazing children - A sister I love more than my ownself and a brother that I would give my life up for if he ever needed me to - lots of nieces and nephews that love me and are so much fun to be around As I am should be trying to better myself I am thinking about funny crap my daughter says Kylee: mommy I don't want to go to school Mommy: whats the problem now? Kylee: Because I have learned all that I need to Mommy: (laughing inside) but saying Kylee everyday you are getting older and you will need to learn new things. Kylee: thinking for a second....mommy my tummy hurts (this is just another ploy to not have to go to school) Mommy: ok maybe you have to fart? Kylee: No Mommy: maybe you are hungry? Kykee: No Mommy: ok you can take your bubble gum pepto Kykee: No they taste Nasty Mommy: well than I cant do anything for you but you are still going to school Kylee: now with fake tears starting.....arms are folded...she says you are such a mean mommy Mommy: Really! Kylee: but I still love you Mommy: Love you to Kylee XOXOXO

Again it has been a while. Life is pretty good the kids are getting so big to fast. I'm turning 30 in 3 days. Me being a female you would think it would bother me but it is just another birthday. I still feel young at heart n that's what matters. I have some fun things coming up my little one is turning 3 I am taking a trip to Miami. Then going to NJ n NY. Then my son is turning 11 and we will be going on a cruise. I can't wait for everything to happen.

I am tired just sitting outside of the office about to head in. But I wanted to say that I am thankful for what I have been blessed wiith.

Life is crazy. I hate this saying "I wish life had a manual/handbook". Only because I don't want the handbook I want my lifes writen path given to me. I'm going to be 30 this year n I still have not learned how to let go. I need to enjoy the moment more why? Here it goes another saying "life is short".

I can't complain I have a job two healthy kids my own house and a man that loves me. Not to forget just yesterday I got a new phone, I know random but that is what I'm about. I have the Cliq XT and it is wondeful.

I had a really good weekend that just passed. David is like know one else I know. We went to Capones dinner show then city walk and it was lots of fun.

If there is anyone out there with the answer to happiness please share. Okay back to folding clothes.

It has been a long time since I have been on. I have been going through some ups and downs. I worked my magic and I got the job. But with all good things come the bad. I have a lot of work ahead of me. The job is not something I can't handle it is just juggling all the other jobs I do along with that one. I am now considered a Master Scheduler. I can pretty much make or break the company there is a lot riding on my shoulders. So far I think I have been doing pretty good.

Today I felt happy to be at work. Since I am off next week for the Holiday's I brought in my gifts in for the office. It makes me feel good when people appreciate the gifts they get. This years I think I did a great job at getting things that they can use. I get some much more out of life when I give to others than receiving. I like knowing I put a smile on someones face it makes me feel like my life is not a waste.

I have been thinking about my future and how much time I have wasted on getting it more prepared. I have been so lost in my mind at what i want. Things have been clearer and clearer everyday that goes by. I miss having that special someone with me. I go to bed alone and think that things don't have to be like this. I have to make things right and I will. It will take time but I don't have any doubts that it will work out for the best.

I have had some fun times. We (Maria, Me and the kids) put the tree up. It is tradition to put the tree up on or around my moms birthday. 12/12. My brothers birthday is 12/13 which landed on a Sunday this year. So on Saturday we took him out for his 21st birthday. First to dinner at Jo To's which the food is so good. Than we took him out drinking to Channel side. He got so wasted and even ended up vomiting at the club. I will have so many memories of that night. I had so much fun. Than on Sunday we went to a baby shower than a concert. I didn't really care for most of the people at performing at the concert but I really did enjoy the last three artist. Pitbull, Jordan Sparks, and that the Fray. I even cried watching the Fray perform. They did an awesome show and their songs touch me. I felt like the biggest baby but man it was a good show. Than it has been back to work.

Kylee has also learned that she is "2 years old" what a big girl. Not to forget Joey turned 10 12/15 (he is in the double digits)my big mans for ever.

I am watching a movie that I love Shawshank Redemption. I bought it online from Walmart and it was dirt cheap but it is still a good movie.

I'm stressing out on getting homework done and I can't focus because my daughter is crazy. Within the past 15 minutes she has changed 3 different times. First she wanted to wear her Tinker Bell pajamas, she was wearing a bathing suite, and now she is wearing my work sneakers and nothing else but a pair of underwear's. She just knows how to make me laugh. By the way an update she is doing so much better with going into the bathroom by herself.I guess the monsters are going away. She is now bothering the boys (Nick and lil Joey) they are trying to play video games and she keeps gong the room and asking for kisses and asking them over and over "what are you doing" about 2 inches away from their face. It is funny to me but they are getting to frustrated.

P.S. Congrats Freddie on the baby Brecken can't wait to see the family.